Why couples look alike after many years of marriage

Why couples look alike after many years of marriage

Have you noticed or are you wondering why couples who initially had no particular facial resemblance to each other when they first married now resemble each other after many years of marriage?

It seems weird for people to look for those who resemble them when they want to choose partners. However, over time, what seems weird becomes an easy-to-get. It’s strange though, a study has proved, with evidence, that it happens. So, if you stay with your spouse for a couple of decades, you will end up looking more like him or her. But why is it so?

The study published in the journal of Motivation and Emotion found that physical likeness between couples increases over time, and through the years, couples’ wrinkles form in the same places because of a lifetime of shared emotions.

Sometimes, it is even tempting to think the semblance has been there before they married, but the study has shown that the emotions people experience everyday could change their facial features over time. The increase in facial similarity results from decades of shared emotions, hence, couples who have been married for about 25 years start to look alike gradually.

In the study carried out by Robert Zajonc, a psychologist at the University of Michigan, with his graduate students Pamela Adelmann, Sheila Murphy and Paula Niedenthal, 110 participants were presented a random array of photographs of faces, with the backgrounds blacked out so that only the faces could be seen, with an instruction to match the men with the women who resembled most.

Two dozens of the photographs were of couples when they first got married; another two dozens were of the same couples 25 years after marriage, most taken around the time of their silver wedding anniversary. All the couples in the photographs were white, lived in Michigan or Wisconsin and were between 50 and 60 years old at the time of the second picture.

The results showed that the couples had grown to look more like each other over time and the researchers ensured that the participants indeed made judgements on the basis of facial features rather than any other criteria, and to the researchers’ satisfaction, the participants, were able to tell who was married to whom after 25 years with enough precision that it exceeded chance or guessing.

“When couples spend a lot of time together they develop empathy and start to experience the same emotions together, most of the time, such as stress, anxiety, sadness and even happiness. Since these emotions affect their face features, they start to look alike after years of being together,” Zajonc said.

It was also revealed that the more marital happiness that the couple said they had, the more likely they were to have increased in their physical similarity.

The young couples showed only a chance similarity to each other, the study found, while the judges found a definite resemblance between the couples who had been married a quarter-century. While the resemblances were not dramatic, some seemed to involve subtle shifts in facial wrinkles and other facial contours, clear enough that the judges were able to match husbands and wives when the couples were older than when they were newly married, and the resemblances were greater in some couples than in others, the study found.

In support, he points to the finding in his study that those couples who were found to resemble each other most greatly after 25 years were also those who reported the happiest marriages. Zajonc contends that this mimicry is sustained in married couples because experiencing the same emotional state is reinforced by its effects in strengthening feelings of closeness.

Factors considered in assessing what could make two people who are not related come to look like one another included similar diet, similar environment and disposition, but the researchers settled on empathy, considering that couples composed of people who feel for one another would be more inclined to mimic one another’s facial expressions, which tend to leave evidence of their presence over time.

In other words, if your partner has a good sense of humour and laughs a lot, he or she will probably develop laugh lines around the mouth, and so will you.

Other experts, mostly psychologists, agree that shared emotions could gradually sculpture the faces of a couple to become more similar, and that common life experiences over the years can alter facial musculature and wrinkle patterns, leading to an increased resemblance.

According to Dr. Ekman, such a process is likely to occur in a married couple. “There is no question that we unconsciously use our facial muscles in the same way as the person we are looking at,” he said.

A study by some scientists at the University of Liverpool in 2006 concluded that, “possessing personality traits that are attractive may be causal in making a face attractive.”

The study has been greeted with divergent views, while some people see this idea as barbaric, most see it as a very sweet, attractive and true study.

A sociologist, Dr. Atoh, in a telephone conversation with our correspondent wondered if the study could be scientific, there is also a myth similar to the study.

A religious leader, Revd. Philip Chinagorom, also said there was no spiritual or religious backing for the phenomenon but that it tends to happen when people stay very close.

An Islamic scholar, Mr. Adebayo Taofeek, said he had also observed same and believed the study to be true, though there is no spiritual backing for it in Islam.

However, a Physiologist, Dr. Agona Obembe said she disagreed with the study, noting that it is not possible for married couples to look alike, and that there is no physiological explanation for such. “They can look alike in terms of emotions by understanding themselves better or even mode of expression, but not facially, so I disagree with the study totally,” she said.

On the other hand, a psychologist, Prof. Toba Elegbeleye, said he had also noticed such development and that he would not fault the researchers’ observation, but that the reasons they advanced, which was empathy, may require further researches for proper verification.

He said, “I can say it is a possibility and I think the outcome is quite true, but as a researcher, I want to believe there may be some other reasons that may be responsible because I don’t think it’s just about emotions, so I would not want to indulge in conjecture until there are possible logical reasons that other individuals may advance.

“A follow up on the study is therefore necessary maybe to locate such couples and ask about their interactional history or interpersonal relationship, which may corroborate the evidence because some of what they said may be based on conjectures.

“Other issues could also be to know if people who live together for about 25 years without being emotionally compatible also look alike and does it work for cross-cultural couples whereby one is black and the other is white? Nevertheless, it is a commendable research and indeed, it is true, but not a hard and fast scientific outcome.

“If you do a crossover of such a research in Africa, you discover that our own emotional pattern here is different from theirs because many people marry here for procreation rather than some emotional connection or activities, and even despite that, they still look alike, which puts a question mark on the reason the person gave as sharing emotions